Perils of Talking to Non-CrossFitters

Posted on by Drywall


Face it. We’re like this, but in tackier clothing.

CrossFitters love talking about CrossFit. All the fucking time. Arguably more than they like doing CrossFit. Problem is, not everyone CrossFits, so you got all these non-CrossFitt’in motherfuckers ruining your perfectly good endorphin buzz.

The result? Disaster. Every goddamn time.

Loosely Based on a Somewhat True Story

Co-worker on a Friday Afternoon
Next Cube Over: Dude, let’s hit happy hour and get fucking shit-faced.
Drywall: Eh, I got something to do after work. Meet up later?
Next Cube Over: Bullshit. You already said you didn’t have any plans for the weekend. You’re going to CrossFit before you go out, aren’t you?
Drywall: Well, yeah…
Next Cube Over: Dork.

That went well.

Waitress at the Bar
Carla Tortelli: You guys on a softball team? We sponsor people for leagues.
Drywall: No, we just came from CrossFit.
Carla Tortelli: What is that? Never heard of it.
Drywall: Well, we just work out together.
Carla Tortelli: Ha, you’re funny. But seriously, what do you guys do?

I decided to pass on the broad time and modal domain explanation.

Phone Call from Mom
Mom: Hey, what are you up to?
Drywall: Not much, just got home from CrossFit…
Mom: Oh you’re still working out! That’s great. Does this help you get ready for sports?
Drywall: Well, I really don’t play sports anymore since I started CrossFit. But they have their own competitions, so I guess that’s something…
Mom: Oh really? I’d loooove to come and watch sometime!

Goddamn it.

Drinking Buddy at the Bar
Drank’in Bro: Dude this drank’in thing is awesome but I’m getting fat as shit. I gotta lose a few pounds.
Drywall: Want to try out CrossFit?
Drank’in Bro: Is that like working out?
Drywall: Yeah.
Drank’in Bro: Fuck you.

Could have gone worse.

NFL Friend
Legit Athlete: Heard you were in LA, what were you doing out there?
Drywall: You know my blog I was telling you about? I was doing some shit for the CrossFit Games.
Legit Athlete: Wait that’s a real thing? I thought you were just making shit up. People actually go watch other people work out?
Drywall: Yeah.
Legit Athlete: You went?
Drywall: Yeah.
Legit Athlete: You get paid a lot?
Drywall: No.
Legit Athlete: Douche.

Lesson learned: if you do CrossFit, just shut the fuck up. No one cares.

“Sadly, I have nothing else to talk about anymore… *sob*”
-Drywall

            
    • Holdin

      Speak for yourself, my moms is all over my Fran time.

    • Sue

      Will you marry me????

    • http://twitter.com/jakeislas Jake Islas

      http://vimeo.com/27423280 Knowshown Moreno training at Crossfit

    • http://www.torontowedding-photographer.com/ Heather Kearns

      My Mum gives me grief for my ‘wrong’ pull up grip – “If you’d just stop doing the business grip, you’d keep the skin on your fingers!”

      Sigh – why is she always right?  :D

    • SarahB

      My phone call with mom:
      Mom: So are you dating anyone?
      Me: I’ve gone out with this guy from crossfit a couple times.
      Mom: So, he’s a cult member too?
      Me: Mom, he’s a nice guy and not all crossfi…
      Mom: Anyways… how’s the dog?

      FML.

    • JakeI

      and everyone there clearly thinks they’re on his level.

    • Palerose

      This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to my iPad.

    • http://dccrossfit.com/2011/08/monday-81511/ Monday 8/15/11 | Derby City CrossFit – Louisville, KY

      [...] Her Olympic Dreams What Does It Take to Change? Aerobic Exercise Alone Does Not Lead to Weight Loss Perils of Talking to Non-CrossFitters Confidence August 14th, 2011 | Category: [...]

    • http://www.facebook.com/victoriakean Victoria Marie Kean

      BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    • Jbo

      my wife tells me I’m in a cult all the time.. seriously.. it’s not like we still do the group chanting and sacrifice a small goat any more… i think that’s been replaced with a 400m run/row

    • http://www.truthsauce.com Binkley

      That’s what she said.

    • http://crossfittransformation.com/?p=7679 Either Or…

      [...] Perils of Talking to Non-CrossFitters [...]

    • Brock

      So now I know why he sucks.

    • http://crossfitsr.com/2011/10/13/no-such-thing-as-too-old/ No such thing as too old «

      [...] Perils of talking to non crossfittters. This guys blog is awesome, expect more thing from him on future posts  [...]