How to Kip at Life

The world’s most famous kip.

Kipping is a staple of CrossFit. Faster. Easier. More efficient. A necessary part of crushing any WOD.

And it isn’t just for pull ups. You can kip your toes-to-bar, knees-to-elbows, muscle ups, hell some people even kip their handstand push ups. With a little ingenuity, you can kip damn near any movement.

But kipping extends far beyond the CrossFit world. You can kip at pretty much anything in life:

Kipping Your Taxes. Who doesn’t do this, at least a little bit? There’s a million ways to bury income and exaggerate your deductions, but the best thing you can do is find a creative accountant to help you kip your taxes. The government will screw you any way you can, so kipping really just lets you keep what is yours.

Kipping an Exam. Years later, does anyone really remember anything they learned in high school or college anyway? So what difference does it make if you even knew it at the time? The only thing that matters is keeping that GPA high, so kip the shit out of your tests any way you can.

Kipping on Your Diet. Sometimes you just need to cut loose. It doesn’t matter what your diet is, if you never have a “Kip Day” when you let things go a little, you’re just going to burn yourself out. As a strict non-paleo eater, I have a confession to make: on occasion, I put fresh limes in my rum and cokes. Crazy right?! Just don’t tell anyone, I’m afraid it might hurt my street cred.

Kipping on Your Spouse. As a neolithic man, this is one that I personally cannot get behind. I do realize that our evolution stems from our primitive caveman ancestors, who were highly promiscuous. Because of this, we are not hardwired for monogamy. However, unlike some people (the Vast Paleo Conspiracy), I don’t believe that the last 10,000 years of evolution and civilization count for nothing. So whatever you do, don’t marry anyone on the paleo diet, they’re all just a bunch of dirty, dirty whores.

“It ain’t kipping if you don’t get caught.”
-Drywall

            
    • John Anderson

      Glorious.

    • JonnyVu

      well worth the wait

    • Camey

      I think I will kip my WOD today. Love it Drywall!

    • Donna Chung

      hilarious

    • Kelsey D

      fantastic…from one dirty dirty whore…oh…wait…

    • Jaimie

      Love the quote!

    • Dave

      It's SELECT start, get it right!

    • Brian B

      Select Start is for 2 player.

    • Adam

      This is awesome!

    • Tuckergsx

      I got to say, this is the funniest thing I have read lately.  I spewed coffee while in mid gulp…  Or did I kip it out my mouth while reading?  Your satire and humor is pretty darned fun to read.  Keep it up.

      Tucker

    • Keith, Brute Force Sandbags

      BA, BA SELECT, START YOU NOOBS.

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