CrossFit Codebreaking – What Are People Really Saying?

Posted on by Drywall
The enigma machine, aka my bitch.

CrossFitters love jocking each other. Anyone who has been to a CrossFit social event knows that hardly a minute can go by in a CrossFit conversation without someone praising someone else’s progress.

But is that what they’re really doing?

Let’s be honest: From the very first time you walked into the box, you knew something was different. People are smiling, walking up to you, introducing themselves, and calling their converted warehouse full up PVC pipes and bumper plates a ‘box.’ At first you think you’ve just met the nicest people in the world.

But let’s crack the code and find out what CrossFitters are really saying:

“Hey, good job figuring out those double unders!” = Jesus Christ, I can’t believe it really took you this long. You have no rhythm whatsoever, watching you dance must be high comedy.

“How’d you do on the WOD?” = I already know how you did on the WOD, I just want you to tell me how you did, then ask me how I did so I can see the look on your face when you realize how badly I crushed you.

“Keep your weight in your heels, maintain active shoulders…” = I really don’t know what the fuck I”m talking about, I just like barking out orders and making you feel dumb.

“I just hit a PR on my strict press!” = I’m a big fat attention whore.

“Good job hitting that PR!” = No one gives a shit, I’m just hoping this will shut you up.

“Oh my God that WOD sucked!” = I sucked, I’m just hoping someone will agree that they also sucked. Misery loves company.

“How long have you been CrossFitting for?” = I can’t believe I got beat by a newbie, maybe they’ve been doing this for a while but just joined our box recently…

“When we did this WOD last year at regionals…” = I went to regionals. You didn’t. Suck it.

            
    • Kelsey D

      Awesome translation. I can't wait until someone says "Hey, good job figuring out those double unders!" since…5 months later I STILL don't have them. Also, Drywall, my work HATES you. I just laughed out loud with all the sales people giving me a glare.

    • Matt Woodhead

      Drywall, please use your Nazi machine to decode these gems:
      "I burned myself out on the first round, I definitely need to game it next time."
      "I'm not feeling it today, my diet's been pretty bad lately."
      "You don't need to chalk up between every set, it just wastes time."

    • Matt Woodhead

      …and this one:
      "I aggravated my lower back so I had to scale the weight/do Jackie instead."

    • Drywall

      Matt – Here you go:
      1. I'm a pussy.
      2. I'm a pussy.
      3. You're a pussy.

      4. Easy there, Samwise. Don't bite off more than you can chew.

    • kallebeck

      Your the best, can you please do an enitre blog on just how ridiculous the acronym WOD is and that everyone pronounces it WAD. I've had this argument with many crossfitters and they refuse to admit how stupid it is.

    • Drywall

      kallebeck – Shoot me an email and let's discuss, I'd like to hear more of your thoughts on that.

    • Camey

      Read this in a meeting. Bad move. Couldn't help cracking up. Tried to explain… got a lot of blank looks. One of my co-workers even asked.. "Isn't crossfit for meatheads?"

      How about this "Take a few breaths and keep going." = Suck it up and finish the workout you wuss!

    • thomas wubben

      again, you seem to be a closet nerd. i cant pinpoint it but you have referenced other nerd-tastic things before, and right in this blog, your clever use of "samwise gamgee", while histerical along with your other responses to matt's comments, further my point.

      oh and just found this entry today, priceless as per usual.

    • staceyf

      This is all so true. Great blog!

      I HATE it when people ask me how I did, or when they study the board afterwards, calculating how much better they are than me. Next to my name, I prefer to simply write: "was here" … or else sneak out the back door and leave a blank. None of anyone's freaking business how I did; keep your eyes on your own paper, douchbags! Unless, of course, I CRUSHED the wod (rare). Then I want everyone to stand around and admire me.

    • Kelswm7

      So how did you do tonight on the WOD Stacey?? Oh wait, you were my partner… :-)
      I do believe you have crushed the WOD many a time! I agree though, sometimes the competiveness is awesome and helps push you. But then again there are times you are half dead debating about walking towards the light and you realize that "Joe or Jane" Doe (that crushed you on the WOD) doesn't know how to count or doesn't do the full movement and seeing their "result" on the board makes you want to take a kettlebell to their face.
      And of course if I am "Jane" Doe, my reason is I'm blonde and can't count period. ;-)

    • Kevin Fraser

      How am I only discovering this blog today? Incredible. I may have to PR my 3-rep Front Squat this a.m.

    • http://movemassrunfast.com/2011/09/23/cultfit/ CultFit? | MOVE MASS, RUN FAST

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