The dirty little secret of CrossFit is that it is a diminishing return. The faster you complete a WOD, the less you get out of it. It is just like life. The more bored you are, the longer you will live, because when you are bored, time passes slower. Do less and live longer. It’s science.
So you want to get a better workout, right? Take your time, the longer the better.
Here are some sure fire ways to make sure those metcon times stay as high as possible:
-Say “Yes” to H2O. Constantly. Every round on the round, sometimes twice. Dehydration is a major issue, especially if you drink as much alcohol as I do. That’s how hangovers happen. And the only good way to get rid of a hangover is to drink more booze. Wait. I don’t see a problem with that.
-Use as much chalk as possible. It is there and it is free. You paid your membership fees this month, right? Then you’re entitled to the chalk. It is a great distraction that makes you look busy. And trust me, nothing looks more awesome than doing the Lebron cloud mid-WOD.
-When resting, put your hands on your knees. Gasp for deep breaths as if you’re going to die. Aside from taking up lots of time, this also let’s everyone know you’re really pushing the max. Appearances are important.
-When in doubt, look all pissed off and start swearing and shit. Anyone who says they believe in the power of positive thinking never really embraced the hate. Not only should you bring yourself down, but bring down your fellow CrossFitters and help them keep their times high. Some call it being an asshole, I call it being a team player.